| Look at her, a prisoner of the gutters
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| Condemned by every syllable she ever utters
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| By right, she should be taken out and hung
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| For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue
 | 
| Eliza (Julie Andrews):
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| Aaoooww!
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| Henry:
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| «Aaoooww!» | 
| Heavens, what a sound!
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| This is what the British population
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| Calls an elementary education
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| Pickering (Robert Coote):
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| Oh, come sir, I think you picked a poor example
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| Henry:
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| Did I?
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| Hear them down in Soho square
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| Dropping «h's» everywhere
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| Speaking English anyway they like
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| You sir, did you go to school?
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| Man:
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| Wadaya tike me for, a fool?
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| Henry:
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| No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike!
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| Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse
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| Hear a Cornishman converse
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| I’d rather hear a choir singing flat
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| Chickens cackling in a barn
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| Just like this one!
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| Eliza:
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| Garn!
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| Henry:
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| «Garn!» | 
| I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
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| It’s «Aoooow» and «Garn» that keep her in her place
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| Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
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| Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?
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| This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
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| If you spoke as she does, sir, Instead of the way you do
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| Why, you might be selling flowers, too
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| Pickering:
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| I beg your pardon, sir!
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| An Englishman’s way of speaking absolutely classifies him
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| The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him
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| One common language I’m afraid we’ll never get
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| Oh, why can’t the English learn to set
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| A good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?
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| The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears
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| There even are places where English completely disappears
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| In America, they haven’t used it for years!
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| Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?
 | 
| Norwegians learn Norwegian; | 
| the Greeks are taught their Greek
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| In France every Frenchman knows his language from «A» to «Zed»
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| The French never care what they do, actually, as long as they pronounce it
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| properly
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| Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
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| And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening
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| But use proper English, you’re regarded as a freak
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| Oh, why can’t the English
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| Why can’t the English learn to speak? |