| Mum, I’ve got a lot to tell you
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| Me and Joe have had a bust up
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| This will be the last letter with the postmark stamped NY
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| I’ve met a film producer
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| Please don’t laugh
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| His name is Sheldon
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| He’s what the people here all call a real together guy
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| He is off to California
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| And he wants me to go with him
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| Oh, thanks for your last letter
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| I was thrilled to hear from you
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| The pictures of Aunt Edna are all absolutely… lovely
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| And incidently Sheldon’s mum loves Mantovani too
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| Mum, you must ignore the neighbours
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| You just can’t stop Jason barking
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| You’ll become a nervous wreck, love
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| Just by listening to them
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| Sheldon has a house in Bel Air
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| Well, it’s really a pink mansion
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| It has electric gates and armed guards
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| And he calls it La Boheme
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| Sheldon says he’ll have no trouble
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| Getting me my blessed green card
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| And let’s face it, Mum, if he can’t
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| I would say that no one can
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| He plays squash with Casper… um, someone
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| He’s a senator from Utah
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| In Muswell Hill you just don’t come across this sort of man
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| Sheldon has a lot of meetings
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| Well, he’s terribly ambitious
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| He’s working on a musical
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| 'Bout Rommel as a boy
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| Tell Dad I will be livid
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| If you spend two weeks in Folkestone
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| I know that La Boheme’s a place
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| That you will both enjoy |