| This is my life and this is how it reads |
| For every chapter, a thousand memories |
| A murder, a mystery where everybody bleeds |
| A fantasy, a thriller with romance and disease |
| Diary entry 9th of May '62 |
| We’ve had some ugly babies but none were quite like you |
| Diary entry '62 end of May |
| It looks as if the nose and chin are definiteley here to stay |
| They’re here to stay, they’re here to stay |
| If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking |
| I’m a failure |
| You are, you are |
| And if I seem half-hearted, it’s because I’m broken hearted |
| And I’m a failure |
| You are, you are, you are (I am) |
| You are, you are, you are (I am) |
| This is my life and this is how it reads |
| A documentary that nobody believes |
| Albert Steptoe in 'Gone with the Breeze' |
| Mother played by Peter Beardsley, father by John Cleese |
| Diary entry '68 end of the year |
| A cardboard Apollo 6 has given the all clear |
| 11th December '68 Captain’s log |
| Proposed trip to Mars is cancelled due to fog |
| It’s due to fog, it’s due to fog |
| If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking |
| I’m a failure |
| You are, you are |
| And if I seem half-hearted, it’s because I’m broken hearted |
| And I’m a failure |
| You are, you are, you are (I am) |
| You are, you are, you are (I am) |
| This is the play, it was I who wrote the script |
| Terry meets June in 'Tales from the Crypt' |
| It was going to be a film but the camera person slipped |
| They later found him scolding a banana |
| Diary entry 10th of April '89 |
| The world is going mad but me I’m doing fine |
| I’m doing fine |
| Back to bed, back to reality |
| Just fine. |