| Kindly check yore shootin’irons yonder at the door, |
| Please remove yore spurs before you come out on the floor, |
| We’ll have no gunplay here at this charade, |
| No, siree, there’s gotta be down right respectability, |
| Where ev’rybody drinks pink lemonade. |
| I was hopin’to be ropin’somepin’wild in the wild, wild west, |
| I been settin’till I’m gettin’kinda riled at the wild, wild west, |
| I read about them desperado guys, |
| As desperate as men can be, |
| I reckon it was just a pack o’lies, |
| The only one who’s desperate is me, |
| I don’t care if he’s a sheriff, or a real cattle rustlin’heel, |
| The property I’ve got ain’t hard to steal, your deal! |
| Oh, they say they have hair on their chest, |
| The only thing I’ve seen is just a fancy vest, |
| Holy smackers, milk and crackers, but it’s wild in the wild, wild west. |
| I was aimin’to be claimin’me a pard in the wild, wild west, |
| I was lookin’to be tooken off my guard in the wild, wild west, |
| They told me that the outlaws captured you |
| And never set a lady free, |
| I heard they held 'em all for ransom too, |
| But evidently ransom don’t want me, |
| All that prattle 'bout the cattle bein’left on the range to graze, |
| Well, don’t they ever have no roundup days, I raise! |
| Yeah, I heard about them western chaps, |
| I’ve only seen the kind you wear around your laps, |
| Sars’parella, citronella, but it’s wild in the wild, wild west. |