| At the early age of three
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| It first occured to me
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| A girl should always try to improve herself.
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| While the others played with toys
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| I practiced charm and poise.
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| And finished Dr. Elliot’s five foot shell.
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| I exercised each morning,
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| Cold creamed my face each night,
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| Saw my dentist twice a year,
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| Curbed my appetite.
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| And so I modestly admit
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| It didn’t help one single bit!
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| Some girls can make any man dream
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| By flashing an innocent gleam.
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| Me, I do and hiccup, curl my upper lip up,
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| Light a roman candle and scream.
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| I have to do it the hard way!
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| Some girls can wear any old rags
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| And capture the wolves and the stags.
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| Me, I dress in sables, walk across the tables
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| Waving three American flags.
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| I have to do it the hard way.
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| Let’s say there’s a dance
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| They’re playing a waltz.
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| And I want romance,
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| That’s when I begin turning sommersalts.
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| Some girls can keep men on their toes
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| By smiling and throwing a rose,
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| Me, I wrack my noodle, whistle «Yankee Doodle»
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| Balancing a broom on my nose.
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| Oh Ima telling you why!
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| I have to do it the hard way.
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| I have to do it the hard way.
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| Suppose there’s a park,
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| A boy on a bench.
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| I’m out for a lark
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| So I make him fall with a monkey wrench.
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| When someone like Hedy Lamarr
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| Steps into the swankiest bar,
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| All the fellas get up Light her cigarette up.
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| Me, I’d have to smoke a cigar.
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| And then they call me a car.
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| Dr., is there a chance for me?
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| Can’t you cure this insanity?
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| I’m tired of tearing up the town being one of the sights
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| Wearing funny hats trimmed in neon lights.
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| Why must all I always be bettered and scorned
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| Doin' everything the hard way? |